Don't Read My Blog, I Don't Care

Hello weight losing fans...

Today I stepped up onto the Magical-Mystical-Digital-Scale weighing in at 178.2-pounds.
That's down from yesterday. It's under 180-pounds.

Nah-Nah-Nah...

I noticed my readership has gone down. I usually average around 30 to 35 look-sees on the number counter. Then it tapered off to around 20, and now it's ten.

Here's what I think. Don't read my blog. I kid you not. Because every time you open this thing and read it you'll get the same thing. You won't get a bunch of crap that if you'll just balance out your foods, you'll lose weight. You won't get points. You won't.

Here is what you'll get: Hey you Oinker, you eat too damned much food. Look at you. You need elastic in those britches. Hey mister you sure don't need those suspenders anymore.
Hey lady, yeah you the point counter, why is your dress hanging high in the back? Did you just steal a water melon or is that your big butt?

You know what I mean, jelly bean?

Oh, but if you'll just exercise enough, then you'll lose weight. Hey bozo, did you ever read the captions on the bottom of the television screen: yeah the little words that flash so fast, no one can read them? Let me give you a paraphrase of what it says: "Diet and Exercise."

What part of that don't you get? Exercise tones the muscles and helps expend energy, so you can burn calories off that fat fanny, and those chunky thighs.

Diet: Because you eat too damned much food. Yeah, you sit around the office at work with candy in your mouth 8 hours a day, you eat at the local fast food restaurant, then you go home and pound down another big meal.

Then you have the gall to wonder, "What happened?" Why am I like this?

Here is what kills me. We take our hard earned money. Then we plunk it down on an expensive gym membership. Then we use it three or four times.

We take our hard earned money, plunk it down on one of those weight management clubs. Six months later we're fatter than we were before.

Let me give you a clue... Get closer. Are you ready...? Hey, you're fat. No, you're more than fat, you're obese. You can't even fit in the pants you wore one year ago.

But, it's not you're fault. No, it's the food companies fault. It's the fast food restaurant's fault. It's my wife's fault. It's my husband's fault. It's my dogs fault. Well quit eating the food in his bowl for goodness sakes.

What is wrong with us? We want all this detail to lose weight.

It's not that complicated. It's not. Cut back on those food portions.

Quit lying to us and telling us you don't eat that much. Compared to who?

Get into your pea sized brain, that you don't have the same body as the next person. You may have to cut back to smaller portions than that lady next to you.

Oh but shouldn't I just exercise? OK, exercise but put that damned donut down for goodness sakes.

That's what you'll get when you open this blog. I'll tell it to you straight. It SUCKS being fat. It SUCKS trying to lose weight. There, you heard it here.

Number counter when I finished this post: 7868
Bye for now...

And that's the way it is...I'm David Dane