I Was Sick And Tired Of Being Fat

Hello weight losing fans...

Today I stepped up onto the Magical-Mystical-Digital-Scale weighing in at 178.8-pounds. That's down from yesterday.

The Cause Of My Failure
I was talking on the telephone with a friend of mine. We were discussing what constitutes leadership.

I told him that many times leaders come from no where, and then rise to the occasion. I am convinced this is true. I am convinced that time, and circumstance can bring out some one's ability to lead.

He told me that one of the characteristics he thinks leaders have is perseverance. He said that I have persevered with this weight loss thing. He said that I have made the decisive moves that made losing weight possible.

Hmmm, not eating until I am bloated is a decisive move? That should be every one's decisive move, leader or not.

My friend shared; when he saw me going backwards with my weight he thought that I had lost control. He said; that he thought he would see me ranging back up around 210-pounds.

Whoa, that would have been a loss for me. That would have meant that all my efforts and sacrifice would have gone for nothing. It would mean that I had lost my seriousness about keeping off this weight. Ultimately regaining all the weight would have meant that I forgot where I came from and what I gained.

I am here to tell you; I feel a thousand times better than I did. This is in spite of the fact that the last two nights I awoke at night with biting, stabbing, growling, hunger.
I woke up two times last night, and I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was hungry. Both times I rode out the hunger.

For many people the hunger they suffer with when they attempt to lose weight is what ultimately derails them off of their diets. I'm no different. Hunger derailed me. I also have, like so many others, a sweet tooth. I like Ice Cream. I like chocolate donuts.

There was an old comedy dialog that Bill Cosby did years ago. In this dialog he did the voice of a child. He would say real excitedly, "Ice Cream, we're gonna have Ice Cream, Oh boy, oh boy,"
Years ago, Ice Cream was a treat. Now, we seem to think it should be our daily fare.

When I got tired of the little skimpy meals, and when I got tired of absolutely no more progress past 180-pounds, I thought I should go into maintenance mode.

Along with my new outlook with the maintenance mode came some daring and careless behavior that began to unravel my weight lose progress very rapidly.

When I had reached the 180-target, and sat there with no more progress, some things went through my mind.
I thought this is it. I won't be able to lose anymore.
I thought, I am tired of skimpy meals.
I thought, oh how nice it would be to be able to eat until I am satisfied.
I thought, it would be nice to eat desserts more often.
I thought, I am here, I don't have to calculate those calories any more.
I thought, I can push a little past this 2,000 calories. It won't matter.
I thought a lot of things that would get monotonous here.

The bottom-line was; I wasn't nearly as cautious as I have been over the past months.

My lack of caution caught me fast. Yes, my body has been deprived of the things that got it over weight in the beginning. Large portions of food was my fare. Sweets, like Ice Cream, and donuts were my daily fare. Then when I had even a small window of time consuming more of those things, my body kicked into gear.

Here is my realization from all this: I can't let my guard down.

Now, for you. This is probably true as well. I hate to write it here; but you may not be able to eat a dessert everyday. You may not be able to consume those little before meal delicacies. You may have to leave the Doritos alone.

You may not like it. It may be time for you to face the reality.

What is your option? If you are tipping the weight scale in the wrong direction what options do you have? Are you going to eat only ice cream and forget the meals?

Yesterday I went to lunch with another friend. We went to a place that has really good fast food. I usually order a Gyro Sandwich, and French Fries. Or, maybe I would order a chicken sandwich, and some fries. Yesterday, instead, I ate a chicken salad.

My friend on the other hand ordered a Gyro Sandwich, and French Fries. I told him that's all you can eat for the rest of the day. That's all he can eat if he wants to maintain his weight. If he wanted to lose weight then he would have to toss the fries. That's right, he had too much food for him to lose weight.

Just the French Fries alone were over 600 calories. That's a lot of calories. I'm not worried if he was eating fried food. I was concerned that he was consuming a large calorie count in one meal. These large meals compound themselves through out the day.

I ate the chicken salad. I had Italian Dressing on it. I told my friend that I have a desire to lose more weight. I am determined to bust that 178-pounds this Monday. I don't ever want to see that 180-pounds again when I step up onto the scale at my daily weigh-in.

He thought that I would have lost enough weight at 175-pounds. OK...

Hmmm, I see this big fat belly on the man. I see the double chin. I remember seeing pictures of him being thinner. Does he sound like the person I should listen to about weight?

Again, who's doing the weight losing, Me, or him?

Over and over again I write, don't listen to the one's who don't practice what they preach. I have a friend who exercises a lot. He can run. I can't run. My knees still can't handle it. I can do other exercise. About that he's right.

He is far more credible.

You have to put down that jelly donut. You have to avoid the appetizer, and eat the main meal only. You have to be the judge of what's going into your mouth.

No one, absolutely no one, can decide for you to lose weight. No one, no one, will suffer the feelings of deprivation, and loss for you. No one, is going to get those pounds off of you, except you.

I had to face a reality. The reality was: "I ate too much food." The reality was: "I ate the wrong food." The reality was:"No, one could lose weight for me."

I have to suffer the hunger. I have to suffer the feelings of being deprived. I have to navigate the turbulent waters of food choices. I have to struggle, and face the loss.

I hate to have written this. Gee wouldn't it be nice to write it's fun losing weight? Oh, you can exercise, and eat a little of this, and a little of that, and oooh, you can smile while you lose the weight.

Nope, you can't. Nope, you have to forfeit something you like. You have to give up some of the goodies. In your case it may be a lot of goodies.

My friend told me try to put a positive spin on something I was going to write today.

How? Here's something positive. Face the reality. You're fat. You have to get the pounds off. You have to sacrifice. Here is the positive part. Don't make everyone around you miserable while you are doing what you are trying to do.

I try not to make other people suffer. I try to smile while I am dieing inside. My stomach has ripped me up in the past. I have looked at my log for the day, and said, "Yep, I ate food today."
Now live with this.

I don't know how to share how absolutely different I feel having gotten off this weight. I don't know how to convince you that it's worth it.

I did it for me. Yes, I did it for no one but me. I didn't think oh some one's going to benefit. I didn't even do it for my faith. I did it because I was tired of suffering under excessive immobilizing weight.

I was tired of being fat. I was sick, sick, sick and tired of being fat. I was fed up with how I looked. I was fed up with how I felt. I was sick of feeling tired all the time.

Here is the reality. I am better off for it. I feel much better having lost 60-pounds. Me, I feel better. Me I look a little better. Me, I sleep better. Me, even when I am stinking hungry, I feel better than I did.

How's that for positive?

Number counter when I finished posting today: 4058

Bye for now...

And that's the way it is...I'm David Dane