I Haven't Given Up

Hello weight losing fans...

Today I stepped up onto the Magical-Mystical-Digital-Scale weighing in at 188.6-pounds.
OK, I am descending ever so slowly.

If only I could have applied the discipline I am using now to what I did to get me into this mess, then perhaps, I would be down around 170-pounds, and holding. Like I just wrote: "Perhaps."

I am amazed that I still have around 20 people each day that take a peek at my blog to see what I am up to. Maybe it's only so they can get a good giggle as they see I am crashing into the weight losing shore lines, being smashed up onto that shore like a ship without it's anchor in the storm.

But, that being said that mantra that I have written many times over still holds true: "Eat Less Food."

This isn't to say that it's an easy formula to follow. Indeed it's not. It's not because you like me have these desires that creep up on us from no where. These desires seem to be provoked by many different circumstances. Many of those circumstances are ultimately provoked by our built in habits.

For example: I just had a fight with a loved one. My loved one seems to have just accused me of something. I as a result feel rejected. My life long rejection has always left me empty. I as a small child learned to fill that rejection with food. As a result of my current fight with my loved one, I now turn to food to fill that void. I will head to my freezer and see if I can fill the void by consuming that remaining quart of Ice Cream.

That of course is only an example of the thousands of examples I can conjure up into my tiny brain.

I Am Not The Only One Who Lost His Composer
Today I was with one of my family members. Years ago this family member was diagnosed with sugar diabetes. Yes, it's that diabetes where the sugar level zooms up after consuming too much carbohydrate food.

The reality is it's type-2 diabetes that he suffers with, which can be controlled by diet.

When he discovered around five years ago he was in a panic. His wife was in a panic. She rode him to watch what he ate. As a result he went onto a careful diet, and began exercising like a fiend with his bicycle.
As a result he lost about 50 pounds. He got himself down to around 190-pounds.

Now that time has worn on, I was sitting with him at the kitchen table and saw that his belly was bulging again. The vibrant activity he was involved in is gone. His careful diet is gone. He doesn't check his blood sugar any more.

Here is the difference between him and I, I still write down everything I eat. I still weight myself just about every day. I am still aware of my weight each day. This includes my weight that has crept up each and every day.

I developed a habit that will eventually save me in the end. Yes, I am keenly aware of my failure to remain down at that 180-pound mark that I have held for at least one year. I know I am crashing into the wall at speed.

I know what caused the crash. Some of it was because I gave up caffeine. Yes, caffeine was that artificial stimulant that was helping me lose weight. Those many cups of coffee, and those large doses of diet soda, was the stimulant that helped me lose weight.

Two: I changed my diet by trying to eat only meat, protein, and fat. Basically I was trying to live by the Doctor Atkins Diet. Yes, contrary to the claims that if I ate only meat and fat, then one day I would stop craving carbohydrates, just flat out isn't true. I love chocolate. Guess what I was eating that helped zoom me up 10-pounds? It was chocolate. Chocolate Easter Eggs, chocolate bars, peanut butter bars, etc. , that's what I was eating. Is it any wonder I would gain weight?

Well that bag of chocolate that was in my refrigerator for two years is gone. I polished it off in very short order. Only that has had a crippling effect on my weight.

Don't think this weight gain hasn't brought me consternation. Some of my friends that peek in on this blog have given me commentary about my weight gain.

That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is I am further away from that final target weight of 160-pounds.

I hit 180-pounds. I managed to keep myself there for over one year. I tried, I mean tried to finally bust that 180-pounds and go down to 160-pounds. I ate 1,200 calories a day for weeks. I ate only meat, protein for weeks on end. I could not bust that 180-pounds.

I admit I was getting tired of the battle. I was getting tired of being hungry. I was getting tired by the shear monotony of my diet. As you can see I am crashing.

I have learned something from this. I like you wrestle with my desire to fill my tummy-tummy-tum-tum up to it's brimmy-brim-brim. I want to feel satisfied. It's not some of the some-of-the-time feeling of satisfaction.

As a result, I like you, am prone to crash. I have a tendency to forget why I embarked upon this voyage to lose weight. Since it's been a couple of years since I suffered from the debilitation I suffered from, I have lost will.

OH, but did I really forget? NO.... I want my 160-pounds. I want my skinny weight that I had years ago.

Will it be easy? NO... It's not easy. It so not easy that it sucks eggs. I hate the struggle still.

I hate this.....

Bye for now....

And that's the way it is... I am David Dane...!