Hello weight losing fans...
Today I stepped up onto the Magical-Mystical-Digital-Scale weighing in at 180.2-pounds.
I'm holding steady here around that 180-target....
Steady...Steady...Don't get too nervous here...Don't get too confident with that extra food either.
You know how it is Mr... One slip up with that extra Chocolate Donut, and wham, there's 50 extra pounds of gelatinous, white, varicose vein filled, flapping, slurping, burbling, eye shocking, FAT rolling around on your butt, legs and stomach.
You know how it is Mr... That's right, it only takes a few slip ups there, and it's over. All that toil, and work, starving yourself to death, giving up those extra helpings of food at the holiday banquets, so you can lose a measly, stinking couple of pounds, will be wasted.
Now is not the time Mr. to eat that extra chocolate bar. No, you have to keep looking at that chocolate bar as the enemy. It's ready to seduce you into falling into love with it as the creamy milk chocolate melts in your mouth, and the rich smell and taste of chocolate fills your every waking sense with euphoria. Oh, the wonder of that rich tasting chocolate bar. Don't touch it. No, get your hands off it. Don't even look at it.
Food Log Date: -AD-28 February 2008. I just passed through the kitchen and thought I heard a voice calling me to open up the refrigerator. I resisted the urge to open the door and investigate the source. I had to discount the idea as a possible alien hoax.
Food Log: Earlier in the day I heard voices coming out of the little bags of chocolates on the shelves, in of all places the Burlington Coat Factory. What is this world coming to? Cherry Cream filled chocolates in the Burlington Coat Factory; when did that happen?
Food log: Anyway, I had to consider that there really are aliens from another world that are determined to make we people of the planet earth fat. I know I heard voices coming out of the bags of chocolate. And as I picked them up I heard them telling me, "Buy me, eat me, just one, buy me, eat me."
Food Log: I really believe there are aliens out there who have mastered implanting little telepathic people, or aliens, in the chocolate, and every piece of candy there is on the shelves in the Burlington Coat Factory.
Food Log: It's bad enough that when I go to grocery store the bags of chocolate, and the bread, and the mountains of food taunt me and harass me as I walk through the isles. But, do I have to fight myself to avoid those sumptuous, cherry cream, blueberry, filled chocolate candies in a clothing store? Is there no peace for my weakened mind?
Food Log: Day in and day out I have been waking up at night laying on my bed hearing the granola bars in the cupboard crying out to me. And my stomach is always screeching and raving to be fed. I am going insane trying to resist that food. How will I end this?
Food Log: I considered the fact that I wasn't the only one hearing the voices implanted in the chocolate candies in the store. I saw a few fat woman lingering, and staring at the chocolate bags as I walked around them and picked them up. I just wanted to see what they were.
Food Log: No, no, I couldn't, I couldn't buy that chocolate. No, "Fight that urge Mr..., " I said to myself.
Food Log: I made myself a new aluminum foil cap today. The one that I have been wearing for the last month blew off my head yesterday. I should have used hair pins to make it stay on my head.
Food Log: My new aluminum foil hat is now made with a double layer of foil. I have added extra large ear coverings. This helps to keep out the ultrasonic waves the aliens are broadcasting at high frequency. With this new design I found it is keeping out the ailien's food broadcasts. What a relief. I tested it in the kitchen today, and then went to the grocery store. Finally, I have silence.
Food Log: People look at me now as if I am an alien. But, they don't understand. I had to block those alien radio waves that get into my brain and make me want to buy bad, bad, nasty, bad, bad food, and then eat it all.
Food Log: I wish I could share with all fat people out there my new secret weapon, an aluminum foil cap. Maybe someday I could get a patent on it.
Food Log: Note to self: Purchase ear plugs to stick up my nose. It's my new experiment to help keep out those irresistable food smells. The aliens from the "Planet Junkfoodo" have developed a synthetic food smell that is now being placed into food to make it more appetizing and to draw people to the smell of food. This synthetic smell is said to be thousands of times more irresistable than the normal smells of food...
Easy does it Mr... Steady as she goes....
Bye for now...
And that's the way it is...I'm David Dane
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