My Weight Loss Diatribe

Hello weight losing fans...

I know that you have been sitting on the edge of your seats just waiting to find out what the weight loss guru has been consuming, so read the post after this one. There you will find all the magical mystical foods that I consume that are helping me to get so slender.

Oh, I make myself laugh.

Today I stepped onto the magical-digital-scale to see those numbers tick down to: 189.6-pounds. Ding, Ding, Ding, I've have hit 189.6-pounds twice.

Does this mean that the 190-pounds have been shattered for good? I don't know. I am not worried about it.

I don't sit there thinking, "Oh, I gotta hit 160-pounds by September 30, 2007. If I don't then I'll just completely quit this stupid weight loss thing."

Come on, lighten up. This is the, "Battle Of The Bulge." Get it straight. It's a LIFE LONG BATTLE. It never, ever, no not ever, ends. It goes on and on as long as I have breath and my wits about me.

Maybe when I have lost my sense of self awareness and am sitting there drooling on myself is the time when I will no longer have the will to fight this battle. But before that time I must fight this battle. I must never quit.

So, do I have an exact window of time when I will hit 160-pounds? NO, I don't. That's because I have been so fat up to now, what does it matter? It only matters that I get there.

I have been reading this one blog where the person has set these strategic weight loss goals. What is he ......... nut's? What is that? (I would put my explicative in their, but it's not nice.)

All this time someone spends getting fat and fatter then suddenly he/she decides that they want to lose weight. Now, we have to strategize the weight loss process. IDIOT that is what I think.

Let me give you a strategy for losing weight. Are you ready? Shut your mouth and don't put anything else in it. How is that?

Blah, Blah, Blah, I read. Let's have a special recipe here. Let's exchange this carb for that carb. Let's count the numbers, then invert them, then divide them by six, and we'll figure out what food we should eat.

Let's eat this expensive food here that costs a fortune, and then convince ourselves we will magically lose weight.

Let's get on the telephone to our friend, who by the way is just as neurotic and prone to overeat, and get some weight loss advice.

Hey, Moron, food is food. EAT LESS FOOD.

Don't try to convince me that somehow you have magically found the way to the "Holy Grail" of weight loss.

Here's What's Hard
Dealing with the hunger is hard. Yep, when it comes down to it, it's the hunger that drives us.
When the food is on the table and that's all you can eat, finally the reality sinks in that you are hungry.

Sometimes I look at that TV dinner and see that little patty of meat, that 1/2 cup of potatoes, and that 1/2 cup of corn and whine, "That's it, that's 360 calories of food?"

I carefully gobble up every bit of food in that premade tray of food and I want to cry like a baby. It's because I am still hungry, and I want more. But, I can't have more.

Sometimes when I eat my last bit of food or consume that last ounce of drink I find that I am now at the 1,500 calories. Then I want to cry. It's because I am still hungry.

I am a man, but I am still human. I don't like to have to sacrifice. I want to eat until my hearts content.

I want to sit at the baseball game and eat a big bag of Cheetos, or a big bag of potato chips. I want to do this everyday.

Here is the problem, I will get fat again if I do. I don't like it. It makes me frustrated, but I am learning to deal with it.

OH, buy some food with Pixie dust on it here. It's name brand, and of the highest quality. Now, go tell all the other dumb sheep out there how this has helped you to lose weight.

Then they will pay big bucks for our special weight loss program here and we'll get rich off of your stupidity. "We helped you lose weight." Yeah right. It's coming to your senses and eating right that helps you lose weight.

Yes I am being harsh. You bet I am. I am telling you how it is. Does it make sense to pour money into a hole that will never fill up?

Face up to the harsh reality that losing weight means giving up something that we all charish, and that's food. It's only because we eat way more food than we need to survive.

Quit believing that lie some of these weight loss gurus are tossing out there. There is no magic formula for weight loss. I have tried many of them. I have tried diet liquids with Ephedra, and that African one, and many others. They don't work in the long run.

Don't believe this lie either: "That you can't lose weight." Yes you can. Quit eating so much food. That's it.

Count those calories. Write them down. Weigh yourself everyday. Write that down. And for goodness sakes eat less food. That means size your portions down.

Bye for now.